New York(CSFFN) – Square Pie founder Aaron Birkenstock has decided to step down as CEO. COO Matt Westside has been named interim CEO.

It’s believed that Mr. Birkenstock’s recent legal troubles played a key role in his decision. This past week Mr. Birkenstock faced sentencing for the Aug. 13th traffic incident in which he crashed his car into a petting zoo for midgets. Judge Reginald. P. Dimmenjipper ordered Mr. Birkenstock to attend an inpatient substance abuse treatment program of his choice.

Mr. Birkenstock’s sudden fall from grace has come as a shock to many within the CSFFL community as Birkenstock was viewed as the heir apparent to Phillip J. Banks, the current CSFFL commissioner.

Mr. Birkenstock arranged a press conference to clear the air:

"Simba, I'm only brave when I have to be. Being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble” Birkenstock said at the afternoon press conference, detailing what he called a long-term struggle with depression and addiction to underwhelming off Broadway performances of The Lion King.

"I struggle every day with this disease, as do millions of Americans," Birkenstock said.
He said he would be traveling Friday afternoon to Minnesota to seek help at the Ketchup Clinic, where he was treated during the 2013 offseason for an addiction to reruns of the hit 80’s sitcom Diff'rent Strokes. He said he returned "reinvigorated and healthy." in 2014.

Birkenstock, 27, said he had no recollection of the events surrounding his August 13th crash.

Upon hearing his sentence, Birkenstock said, "I am deeply concerned about my reaction to mediocre stage acting and my lack of knowledge of the accident that evening. But I do know enough to know that I need to seek expert help”.

Today, Mr. Birkenstock’s comments were aimed at helping those in need.

"I hope that my openness today and in the past, and my acknowledgement that I need help, will give others the courage to get help if they need it,"

As he left the room, an intrepid reporter asked if a return to CSFFL as a manager might be in his future, the former deputy treasurer of the CSFFL responded, “Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life. ”.

Interim CEO, Matt Westside issued the following statement:

“It’s with a heavy heart that I must accept this new role. Mr. Birkenstock built a CSFFL franchise against seemingly insurmountable odds. Labeled as a “fair weather football fan”, Mr. Birkenstock overcame his general disinterest in football and participated in arguably the 2 best seasons in CSFFL history. I have no doubt that he will overcome this new challenge. I admire his courage in speaking publicly about very personal issues and fully support his decision to seek treatment"